


rest (reprise)

by ceramicballoon



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Campaign: Balance (The Adventure Zone), Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: e050 Lunar Interlude IV: The Calm Before the Storm, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing, author is working thru some shit, fuck sazed, nothing super graphic but its there, spoilers for the entirety of the balance arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:00:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceramicballoon/pseuds/ceramicballoon
Summary: Taako has a hard time getting any rest following the events of The Eleventh Hour.(Or, he bakes alotof macarons.)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	rest (reprise)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm actually somewhat proud of this fic :) It's my first for TAZ! Please heed the tags, this fic mentions some pretty serious topics.

The moon base was characteristically quiet the night that Taako, Magnus and Merle returned from Refuge.

Following the briefing with Madame Director and the destruction of the Chalice, the weary group headed for their dorm, weighed down by the exhaustion they earned from dying a dozen times and reliving moments of their respective pasts. None of them talked about the visions they saw of Phandalin burning in slow motion— what good would that do? They’ve known all along that the city was decimated, and however traumatic that view June provided was, it wasn’t anything new. There was nothing to discuss, so the boys didn’t discuss it. Not as the Bubble popped, not on the ride back to the Bureau, not on their way to their dormitories. 

Taako didn’t bother to return Merle’s “good night” as he usually would. He felt too drained to speak at the moment, and he figured that the old man wouldn’t take much offense to it, anyway. Everyone would need some time to process today’s events.

Taako shut the door to his room with an over-dramatic sigh, pulling off his high heeled boots and tossing them to the side. Despite his exhaustion, he bothered to cast prestidigitation to remove his makeup— it was hard work to maintain an image like his, but well worth it, in his opinion. Being beautiful is a real pain in the ass.

Directly afterwards, he plopped forward onto his mattress. Being an elf, Taako didn’t require sleep in the traditional sense. If he meditated for a few hours, he’d be back to normal in no time. The bed was a formality at this point, and while not needed for meditation, he couldn’t deny that it was comfortable and usually helped him get _in the zone_.

Usually.

This particular night, it was harder than usual to get relaxed enough to properly meditate. Every few minutes, an eye would peek open to look at the clock hanging opposite of the bed. Time passed entirely too slowly for Taako’s liking, and distantly he wondered if this was a side effect of the time-sick town. It could be that.

Or it could be something else entirely.

Taako tried to push what the Temporal Chalice showed him out of his mind. It had been so long since he had last seen Sazed’s face. He knew he should feel some relief that Sazed was the one responsible for those forty deaths and not him, but the guilt stayed strong as ever in his chest, unmoving and impenetrable. 

After an hour of being unable to meditate, he resigned himself to the shared kitchen to bake macarons. If he couldn’t rest, he may as well make himself useful.

* * *

_Taako remembers their first date like it was yesterday._

_Sazed was extremely persistent in his pursuit of Taako as his romantic partner. After months of traveling together, sharing drinks after shows, and endless flirting, Taako had no choice but to cave in. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in Sazed— quite the opposite, actually. Sazed was conveniently attractive, in a rugged sense. He could be funny and charming, and he looked at Taako like he hung the stars in the sky. Taako just wasn’t one for domesticity. He had always been running, always been moving from place to place, even in his (fuzzy, staticy) childhood. Caravan to caravan was all Taako knew, and the thought of settling for anything (or anyone) was foreign to him._

_But the attraction was there and not unwelcome. Maybe Taako was tired of running from it, or maybe he was tired of one night stands, or maybe Sazed caught him in a good mood. That left him here, drunkenly stargazing and laying next to the human, who squeezed his hand like his life depended on it. Taako would have to use extra concealer to mask the light bruises that would blossom there in the morning, but for now he had good company, and the sky seemed infinite above them._

* * *

Merle was the first to emerge from his own quarters at the asscrack of dawn, wearing a brown robe that dragged on the floor a bit behind him. _Wonder if the Fantasy Costco has a short n’ wide section,_ Taako humored to himself.

“You’re up early,” The dwarf mumbled, standing on his toes to better inspect Taako’s work.

A couple dozen macarons were presented neatly on brightly colored plates. Of course, they were immaculate as ever. Rich chocolate cookies paired with vanilla bourbon cream filling, adorned with edible flowers that were more for decoration than flavor. Merle reached for one, and Taako quickly stopped piping cookies onto a baking sheet to smack his hand away.

“Ow! What the hell, man?!”

“These aren’t for you, m’dude. Can’t have you scarfing the whole batch down,” Taako tutted, not taking his eyes off his work.

“Who are these for, then?” Merle crossed his arms. “The garbage disposal?”

Taako said nothing to that, just peeked down at the dwarf with downturned lips.

Merle winced. “Too far?”

“A little. It’s fine.”

Merle’s arms uncrossed, and the two stood in amicable silence for a moment before Merle bothered to crawl onto the wooden barstool on the opposing side of the kitchen island. He didn’t try to take a macaron again.

“Have you been doing this all night?” Merle said more quietly.

“Oh, gods. Are you shifting into dad mode? Do I need to plug my ears before you start trying to take me to a Fantasy MLB game?” Taako said exasperatedly, placing down his icing bag full of batter.

“I’m just a bit worried is all! I mean, I know yesterday was hectic to say the least. And I don’t know what the cup showed you or Magnus, but I know it had to be something serious.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Merle. If anything, what I saw was a relief,” Taako gripped the edges of the baking sheet and delicately hit it several times on the stone countertop with practiced, even movements.

“Then why didn’t you meditate last night? You only cook like this for Candlenights or if you’re upset about something, and last I checked, it’s not a holiday.”

“You seem to be forgetting that I’m a chef first and a wizard second.”

“Touché,” Merle mumbled, watching Taako put the cookies in an already preheated oven as he got to work making more filling. “But just so you know, my door’s always open.”

“I’ll remember that in case I ever feel like looking at your collection of expired Werther’s Originals,” Taako scoffed playfully.

“Hey! I’ll get around to eating those eventually!” Merle scolded, a smile on his face nonetheless.

The banter continues for the rest of the morning, and Taako even lets Merle try a macaron, even if doing so makes Taako’s heart race and his hands clammy.

And they’re delicious.

Naturally.

* * *

_Their first argument was a month into their relationship. Sazed thought the two of them could use some rebranding. Sizzle It Up with Taako and Sazed sounded a lot better, in his opinion, and would establish them as a package deal, and ensured Sazed got the recognition he rightfully deserved._

_Taako, while not denying that Sazed has done a lot of heavy lifting as the stage manager, mumbled excuses about how expensive rebranding would be. All of the merchandise that was fresh off the presses would need to be tossed, and that’d be bad business._

_Sazed didn’t take Taako’s objections well at all. If he did all the work, why did Taako get all of the credit? Sazed was the one who booked and scheduled the shows, set up the caravan, managed the gold, bought the groceries, while Taako whored himself out on stage for an hour and got all the recognition. It was unfair that he couldn’t even deliver a witty one-liner every now and then._

_It didn’t take long for the disagreement to become a one-sided screaming match, with Taako storming off and getting into bed alone to seethe. Sazed joined him an hour or so later, kissing his shoulder and smelling of whiskey, talking about how he_ hates when we fight, baby. _Taako pulled away and counted his heartbeats until the sun came up._

* * *

The Director gave the three of them a week before she began to call for daily training drills. Training was not uncommon in the Bureau of Balance, but it was never on a daily basis, and it never lasted for hours and hours on end. The Director was preparing them for something, and whatever it was, she was anxious about it.

If Taako was exhausted from training and lack of meditation, then Magnus was absolutely wrecked. His movements were more sluggish than usual, and there were bags under his eyes that weren’t there before they visited Refuge. Taako knew better than to press Magnus for information, he wasn’t a hypocrite, but the state of the human tugged on his mind while he drilled his cantrips. It wasn’t concern, Taako reasoned, just plain curiosity is all.

Nevertheless, the Tres Horny Boys trained every day from dawn to dusk. Calluses made themselves at home on Taako’s palms and feet, much to his annoyance. His body would ache and complain by the time he could retire to his quarters at night, and the lack of rest he was getting wasn’t helping him in the slightest.

“Merle, stay on the defense. Magnus, work on your form. Taako, keep your aim steady, you’re getting shaky,” The Director criticized, walking around the gym in a circle. It reminded Taako of a shark swimming around its prey. Calculated, cold, cruel.

“Hey, fuck you. You try keeping a hundred percent accuracy when you’re doing this shit every waking moment of every day,” Taako spat at her. Magnus and Merle looked at him with surprise, but didn’t argue or defend the Director. Taako said what they were all thinking.

“I’m only doing this to prepare you for the next relic. I cannot stress how important it is that you are ready for the next mission, your life depends on it, Taako.”

“But not important enough for you to tell us exactly where we’re going that’s so fucking dangerous.”

"I’ll tell all of you when you’re ready, but right now, you are all still too clumsy. Now, drill again.” She stopped in her tracks perpendicular to the training mat, narrowing her eyes at her reclaimers.

Taako laughed bitterly. “Or what? You’ll ground us? I’m calling for a strike or something. You haven’t given us any time to recover, maybe that’s why we’re doing so shitty right now! I mean, look at Mr. Proficiency over there, he’s missing all his damn attack rolls!”

Magnus’s eyes widened a little bit as he glared at Taako. “Dude…” He whispered, almost wounded.

“No! Don’t ‘dude’ me, I’m fucking right! Maybe if you were less of a hardass on us, we could actually do our fucking job!” Taako yelled, taking a step towards Madame Director.

The Director closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose, keeping calm and collected. “Your _job_ right now is to train as best you can for the upcoming relic. I apologize that it is intensive, but it’s in your best interest. I know what’s best for you, Taako, and if you want to survive this last relic, you’ll do as I say. Drill. Again.”

_I know what’s best for you._

Taako clenched and bared his teeth, fist gripping his Umbra Staff so hard that the wood handle threatened to bruise his palm.

“Yeah? Well, good luck surviving without your fucking wizard!” He yelled, storming out of the training dome, feeling the burn of three pairs of eyes on his back as he did so.

* * *

_The first time Sazed physically hurt him was on their three month anniversary._

_Taako always thought monthaversaries were cliché, but Sazed was over the moon about it. Taako wanted to stay at the caravan and split a nice bottle of red wine and excellently cooked steaks, and Sazed wanted to take Taako out to dinner at a decent place in the town they were stationed at for the night. They went out for dinner at Sazed’s insistence._

_The restaurant’s steak was overcooked and underseasoned, and didn’t compare to Taako’s own cooking, but he didn’t complain, trying not to put a dent in the happy mood Sazed was in. As they wrapped up the meal and awaited their check, however, Sazed pulled something that Taako would’ve never predicted._

_He got on one knee._

_Taako suddenly felt the world crashing down on top of him. There were a dozen people at the restaurant, easily, all staring at the scene that was unfolding. Taako was used to being the center of attention normally, he thrived off of it— but this caught him off guard, this was different, everyone was expecting a yes, that’s how these things normally went— but he had only been with Sazed for three months._

_He was aware humans generally moved quick with things, given their lifespan, but not this quick._

_Taako felt his chest tighten, he felt like his food was trying to force its way back out his mouth, he couldn’t breathe, everyone is staring oh gods—_

_Sazed put two and two together pretty quick and left gold pieces on the table before promptly gripping Taako’s wrist, practically dragging him out of the restaurant towards the direction of their caravan._ How could you do that to me Taako, you embarrassed me, I thought you loved me, how fucking dare you, you fucking whore.

_In the future, Taako would cover the resulting scar from that night in the caravan with his Bureau of Balance bracer, but until then, he’d use gauze._

* * *

After Taako stormed off, he realized he didn’t really have anywhere to storm off to. The moon base, while small by no standards, felt miniscule under Taako’s heel. The idea of being shot off to the surface didn’t exactly appeal to him either. There wasn’t anything down there that the moon base didn’t have in a smaller, more convenient manner.

So Taako baked.

He had lost count of how many macarons he had made as of late, but it was apparently enough that Garfield the Deals Warlock would make a snarky comment when he’d go buy more eggs, flour, and sugar. That didn’t deter him at all. Macarons were his specialty, versatile but fragile, easily modified but demanding in their creation.

Later in the night, Magnus and Merle would return from their own training, but wouldn’t give Taako more than a concerned look as they passed the elf whipping up his next batch.

Not that he cared. He had more important things to worry about, like zesting oranges for his filling.

An hour later, there was a knock on the dormitory door.

“Anyone else wanna get that?” Taako shouted from his workspace.

Time passed with no response from his roommates. Another knock came, louder this time.

“I have to do everything around here,” Taako grumbled, throwing his rag down on the counter and finally opening the door.

Taako guessed he shouldn’t be surprised that he saw the Director standing there when he opened the door. Not many people, if any, bother to come to their dormitory without prior invitation (save for Kravitz, because Taako made it _very_ clear that he was more than welcome in his private quarters at any given time).

“Oh. Hmm,” Taako closed the door a little bit in a minute movement, mainly guarding the door with his body, as noodly and thin as it was. “What can I do for you?” He asked, more of an empty gesture to his employer than out of actual kindness.

“Ah, I’m not here to ask for a favor, Taako,” She corrected her posture, taking a deep inhale. “I’m actually here to apologize. For earlier.”

Taako looked at her up and down, as if doubting the sincerity of the apology before it even started.

“And… I got you this,” She pulled one hand from behind her back, revealing a bottle of wine.

Taako was quick to snatch it from her with a cheeky smile. “Well, why didn’t you say so? Come on in, Madame Director!” With that, he turned around and walked back into the kitchen with more flair than necessary, letting the Director follow and close the door behind him.

“Have you been baking? It smells lovely in here.”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Taako chuckled, taking a good look at the new treasure given to him. Upon reading the label, his brows raised. “Hey, how’d you know this was my favorite?”

The Director leaned her staff against the edge of the counter and took a seat on the wooden barstools, the same ones Merle often made a habit of sitting at when eating. “You seem like the kind of man that would appreciate a nice full-bodied Tempranillo,” She hummed.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Besides, that’s not what I came here for. Well, not entirely, anyway. I was serious about apologizing, Taako. I shouldn’t have pushed the three of you so hard, especially so quickly after returning from the last mission.”

Taako’s face remained expressionless as he returned to beating his egg whites into stiff peaks.

The Director pressed her lips together. “I’ve decided to give the three of you a day off each week. But I’m afraid that’s as flexible as I can be with your training. The next relic—”

“The next relic is super dangerous or whatever, yeah, I got that already. Fine.” Taako said under his breath, eyes losing themselves in the hypnotic movement of his whisk.

“I’m not enforcing this to punish you, Taako. I’m doing it because, believe it or not, I actually care about the wellbeing of the three of you. I can’t risk you all losing your lives.”

“Because you’ll lose the relic.”

“Because I’ll lose you three, and that’d wreck me more than I can bear to admit,” She looked at the marble countertop, resting her palm on the cool top of it. “I don’t consider myself to be a particularly sentimental individual, and I try to keep a degree of separation between work and personal life, but I genuinely care about all of you.”

Taako, by this point, had stopped beating the egg whites, but didn’t gaze upward to look the Director in the face. The air was thick with the carbon dioxide of two people who didn’t like talking about their feelings. The only cure was a change of topic.

“The wine was a nice touch. Apology accepted. Or whatever.”

“Thank you. What kind of macarons are you baking?”

Taako indulged her with information about his techniques, what flavor combinations work surprisingly well, and how orange, mint, and chocolate are an underrated combo, and the Director was actually able to keep up with what he was talking about, like she had some previous baking experience herself. Or like she’s heard this lecture before. 

That last bit made Taako’s head hurt a little bit, so he stuck to macarons.

* * *

_That day in Glamour Springs was the worst thing that Taako had ever experienced._

_The morning of it was fine— Sazed, for one reason or another, was being kinder to him. Offered to help him set up the caravan and cut up some of the ingredients before the show started. Taako knew to count his blessings, and let Sazed smash some garlic cloves and pluck ripened elderberry off its stems._

_It wasn’t until the very end where it had all gone horribly, terribly wrong._

_Taako still remembers the first person he saw get sick. It was a young human woman, no older than twenty, who coughed, dropped her plate, fell to her knees, and puked red fluid that Taako could only assume was blood._

_His face drained. He didn’t stick around to see the other people meet similar fates. The elderberries, he reasoned, he must have accidentally transmuted them into deadly nightshade. Everything else was flawless. Why didn’t he taste the chicken before he served it?_

_They were gone before the last person fell to their knees, Sazed driving the carriage as fast as he could, mumbling_ what have you done, Taako?

_Two days of constant riding later, Sazed ditched him. Taako didn’t blame him. He didn’t even bother leaving his own carriage until his body threatened to give into thirst._

_Looking back, he felt so incredibly stupid. He knew now that Sazed was the one to poison Glamour Springs. Sazed was the one to sneak arsenic into the food. Taako wasn’t sure if the poison was even meant for him, in the end._

_A darker part of his mind that he wouldn’t inspect too hard wished that he’d died instead._

* * *

Another week had passed since his impromptu meeting with the Director. As promised, Taako, Magnus, and Merle all got a day off to let their bodies recover. Taako would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate it a little bit as he was able to finally ( _finally_ ) meditate on most nights.

He was getting awfully sick of macarons.

Tonight was not most nights. His body was just aching a bit too much from training, and he decided now was a good a night as ever to uncork the bottle of wine he received. 

Drinking alone in his room would be a bit too much, he figured. So he laid on the astroturf outside the dormitory dome of the Bureau of Balance, watching the still night sky, eyes resting on the constellation of Gemini as he took another swig.

And, as per usual lately, his peace was interrupted by another person.

Magnus stood over the elf to get his attention, as if his heavy footsteps wouldn’t be enough to signal his presence.

“Hey Mango,” Taako smiled, bordering on tipsy. “What are you doin’ out here?”

“I could ask you the same thing but,” Taako watched Magnus’s eyes travel to the bottle, then back to his face. “That’s pretty self explanatory, I guess.”

“Care to join me?” Taako offered. Drinking in another person’s company sounded a bit less pathetic, in his opinion, even if said person couldn’t hold his own when it came to alcohol.

Magnus nodded and sat next to Taako, holding out his hand, waiting for the bottle to be passed, which Taako was happy to oblige. A few moments went by without conversation, the only sounds audible on the silent moon base being their slow breathing, the slosh of liquid in the bottle, and a belch or two from Magnus.

“Hey, uh, I know how you feel about the whole uh, feelings thing,” Magnus winced a little. “But uh… have you been doing okay? Taako?”

“ _I could ask you the same thing,_ ” Taako said in a voice lower than it usually was, a mocking parody of what Magnus said earlier.

“First of all, I don’t sound like that—”

“Do too.”

“Second of all, you’re deflecting,” Magnus passed the bottle back to Taako. “That dog don’t hunt with me. You’ve been acting more defensive since we got back from Refuge.”

“Not like you’re doing any better, Mags. Eye bags are out of style this year, in case you didn’t get the memo,” Another swig and Taako felt the astroturf beneath his free hand. It made him every bit as itchy as real grass did.

Magnus made a slightly annoyed grunt noise. Taako didn’t take his eyes off the deep blue expanse of sky.

“...You know what the Chalice showed me?” Magnus started. His voice sounded shakier than Taako was used to. 

Taako hummed curiously, passing the bottle back to Magnus.

“It showed me my wife.”

Taako’s breath temporarily caught in his throat. This was the first he’s heard of this— having a spouse isn’t exactly something that goes undiscussed. But this was the Chalice they were talking about, and even while tipsy, Taako could see where this conversation was headed. So he said nothing, and let Magnus elaborate of his own accord.

“...About six years ago, I lived in this beautiful little town called Raven’s Roost. I worked at this carpenter shop called the Hammer and Tongs with my wife and father-in-law. It wasn’t perfect, not at all, but it felt like life was finally on the mend, you know? And then—” Magnus’s voice got scratchy, and he took a moment to clear his throat. “And then this dude came along and blew it all to shit. I lost everything. Everyone. Anyone or anything that mattered to me was just, fucking gone. Blink of an eye.”

“Christ.”

“I almost took that fucking cup, Taako,” Magnus said soberingly. “All these years I thought I’d do anything to get my life back.”

“I don’t think me or Merle would’ve judged you if you did.”

“It’s just—” Magnus took one last big swig from the wine bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his forearm before handing what remained back to Taako. “I don’t think Ju— I don’t think it’s what she would’ve wanted.”

Magnus released a sigh as if he had been holding his breath that whole time, and Taako felt like this is the part where he should say something. He didn’t see the point in saying “sorry” at times like this. This is one of those times where he would be obligated to talk about the shit that _he_ had on his plate.

“I dunno if I’m worried so much about what the Chalice showed me. It was… kind of a load off my back, if I’m being honest with you, Mags.”

“Is that why you’re out here in the middle of the damn night drinking wine? You’re relieved?” Magnus instigated. 

“Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe?”

“That’s like, four different answers, Taako.”

“It’s not what I saw with June that’s concerning me,” Taako closed his eyes, running his hand over his face slowly.

“What, then?”

Taako felt that anxiety creeping up on him, the kind that filled his mouth with cotton balls and made him feel like he was far away from himself. The wine wasn’t helping, but he took the last gulp anyways.

“Look, dude, I appreciate you opening up about everything you saw and went through but I just,” Taako gripped the glass in his hand a little harder. “I don’t think I can right now. Like, physically. I’m sorry.”

Magnus seemed to take the hint and eased off a bit.

“Yeah. Yeah, no, of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrogate you or put you on the spot like that.”

“It’s fine, broseph,” Taako shrugged casually.

“But if you ever need to talk…”

“I know, Mango. I know,” Taako actually turned to give Magnus a little smile this time before turning back to look at the indigo abyss above him.

And for once, perhaps on account of the booze, Taako seemed to think that the sky wasn’t infinite or open. It was limited, and full of half-decent people, and it had less stars than he remembered there being.


End file.
